


The hard days will be easier together

by Nea



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, M/M, Making Out, Minor Canon character death, My First Work in This Fandom, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Slow Burn, canon angst, spoiler for episode 213, spoiler for episode 217
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29809062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nea/pseuds/Nea
Summary: Sonny and Clay after what happened on the submarine and in Manila
Relationships: Sonny Quinn/Clay Spenser
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	The hard days will be easier together

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [We've got tonight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28365606) by [Destiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiel/pseuds/Destiel). 



> **Author's note:** Lots of love, hugs and gratitude to lovely _Destiel_ for assuring me that the guys are in character and to the also lovely _firstlovelatespring_ for her wonderful beta.  
>  **Wordcount:** ~ 7.000  
>  **Warnings:** My first fic in this fandom | Big spoilers for episodes 213 and 217 | Lots and lots of canon angst and slow burn | Canon divergence  
>  **Disclaimer:** Benjamin Cavell created them, I’m just shipping them.

Ray tells him to stay with Sonny and "Show him you’re there for him" before he’s off with Jason to talk the stubborn captain of the ship into something.

Now Clay is all alone with his fear and desperation. Sonny is on the other side of that goddamn massive door. A torpedo tube with an air lock chamber that won’t open. 

It makes Clay feel helpless and useless, because he’s a fucking navy SEAL and yet he can’t do anything to get Sonny out. Sonny, who is running out of oxygen so fast he can’t even talk anymore.

"Sonny, you hear me?" There is, of course, no answer and the walkie in Clay’s hand feels too warm, sticky and heavy, giving him only white noise. "I’m here. Right here." Clay knocks heavily on the massive lock to let Sonny hear that he’s not alone. Not abandoned. Not forgotten.

And if Clay’s voice breaks and there are tears running down his face, so be it. "Hang in there, buddy, we’ll get you out in no time and then we’ll get so wasted it’s gonna take us a week to get sober again. And I’m paying for all your drinks, you hear me?" Clay wipes his eyes and his nose with the heel of his hand.

He remembers how Ray told Sonny he loved him just a few minutes ago. Clay admires Ray for that, because he, Clay, can’t imagine himself doing the same thing. Not with Jason and Ray listening. Because Ray and Jason love Sonny like a brother, while Clay...

"I can’t do this whole SEAL thing without you, Sonny," he says quietly into the walkie. "I love you. I can’t lose you…"

The sounds of quick steps interrupts him and Hashimoto shows up like a fucking knight in navy blue armor with a grinder, announcing that they are going to cut Sonny out. Literally last minute. That’s how much oxygen is left in Sonny’s bottle. Probably even less.

Clay starts feeling something besides numb pain and desperation and the bitter taste of missed chances and opportunities – now he starts feeling the ‘maybe’s and the ‘what if’s and the ‘let’s see what happens’ and they aren’t as scary as the thought of losing Sonny forever.

Jace and Ray are back too and they come with paramedics.

When the tube is open, they all get Sonny out as fast as they can. 

The amount of water he was in is huge, scary. Even more so, because Sonny is unconscious and doesn’t breathe. Clay helps lay him down on the floor and tries not to think that Sonny looks pretty much dead. 

The paramedics take over and Clay can’t do anything but stay out of their way. 

The shock brings back memories of how he watched Brian jump out of the plane and how Brian’s parachute didn’t open.

Meanwhile, in present, the paramedics shock Sonny for the second time and nothing happens.

Clay thinks about how hard the time without Brian was. They had to keep their relationship a secret, but at least they knew about each other’s feelings and enjoyed the time they spent together…

The paramedics prepare to shock Sonny for the fourth time. Jason and Ray start sounding panicky and Clay can’t get a word out. This is his personal hell. Watching another guy he has feelings for die…

But then, shortly after the fourth shock, Sonny’s heart finally *finally* starts beating and he opens his eyes, coughing out a lot of water.

They put him on a stretcher and the paramedics want to carry him off, but Jason, Ray and, Clay’s pretty positive, Blackburn, take over and carry Sonny to the Captain’s cabin.

Clay stays behind, still shaken, listening to Sonny’s gasps for air that become quieter, as his team members move away.

He grabs Sonny’s lucky cap from the tube’s destroyed door and looks inside, one last time. It looks awfully tight and narrow. Sonny with his claustrophobic issues and his fear of drowning then and there, running out of oxygen with every breath he took…

Clay swings the door shut and notices Hashimoto standing nearby and looking at him as if he knows… He offers to bring Clay to the rest of his team and Clay decides to send him birthday and Christmas cards every year.

∞

The thought of going into Sonny’s hospital room all alone makes him nervous, but asking one of the guys to go in with him feels weird, too. So he looks around and because no nurse is paying him any attention, Clay softly whistles for Cerberus and manages to get into the room with the dog hiding between and behind his legs.

"Hey Cerberus, say hello to Sonny," he says quietly, pointing towards the bed.

Sonny looks pale but not gray anymore. He pushes the oxygen mask off his face when he notices his visitors. 

Clay is instantly at his side. "No no no no no! What do you think you’re doing, Big Guy?"

"I want to say a few words to Bravo’s most badass team-member." Sonny luckily doesn’t sound too bad. A little quieter and raspier than usual, but otherwise okay.

"C’mere, Cerberus." Sonny pats his bed and the dog comes to him, waggling his tail. He sits and puts his head onto the mattress, right where Sonny’s hand is.

Clay pulls one of the two chairs in the room closer and watches how Sonny pets Cerberus’ head and scratches him behind the ears.

"It’s really good to see you, buddy," Sonny tells the dog. "Is our Goldie Hawn here nice to you?" he continues, still speaking to Cerberus, but looking at Clay. 

Clay, who can’t hide his relieved and happy grin. Sonny giving him ridiculous nicknames again is a very good sign. "I thought I’d never see you again," Sonny says, and Cerberus licks his fingers. "It was really close." He pets the dog again.

The grin fades from Clay’s lips and he jumps up from the chair. "They had to shock you, Sonny!" His voice sounds angry, not as if it was about to break, thank God. "Four times! It felt like forever. Too soon to joke about it!"

"Bad weeds grow tall." Sonny says dismissively, and Clay has had enough of his bullshit. 

He half-climbs onto the bed and kisses Sonny before he can think about it again, change his mind or chicken out of it.

Though he’s angry, the kiss turns out soft. Just Clay’s lips on Sonny’s, because Sonny is literally still barely breathing. 

Clay’s kinda proud of himself here, because he managed to keep enough self control not to just jump Sonny. He touches Sonny’s cheek and his beard feels soft and just right against Clay’s fingertips. 

"What the hell, Clay?" Sonny whispers when Clay pulls back, hoping he can laugh it off as crazy behavior due to worry and lack of sleep.

"Sorry, I don’t know…" Clay starts quietly, looking away.

"… why it took you so long?" Sonny prompts before pulling Clay in for another kiss, who just nods and makes a soft sound when Sonny’s tongue meets his.

Again, it takes every ounce of Clay’s willpower not to straddle Sonny right there and then and do unspeakable things to him.

It’s Cerberus’ nervousness that interrupts the kiss. The dog, laying curled up on the chair Clay was occupying before, is vigilant now. He hops off the chair and runs to the door, sniffling loudly. That and the sped-up beeping of Sonny’s heart monitor, is enough to tip off Clay that they’re about to have company.

A team of nurses and doctors rush into the room, calling for a crash cart. They deflate when Sonny and Clay hurry to convince them, that Sonny isn’t having an emergency. 

The doctor angrily reminds Sonny where he is and how he got there and orders Clay to leave. He does, hoping that Sonny won’t start a fight with the physician.

∞

They never kiss again or talk about it, because it’s Davis who picks Sonny from the hospital the next day and from then on they are pretty much surrounded by SEALs. Not just Bravo, but also Alpha, Charlie, Delta, and former SEALs, too.

Everyone wants to have a few words with THE Sonny Quinn. Death-defying Sonny, as some of them call him jokingly, and Clay hates that and wants to punch them.

Some guys even go as far as to ask if he saw his own life pass before his eyes when he drowned.

"Yeah," Sonny always says to that, but he never elaborates, yet Clay can swear that Sonny’s eyes linger on him before answering. But then again, it’s probably just wishful thinking. 

Sometimes Clay’s pretty sure they’re full-blown flirting, though Sonny’s behavior towards him is the same. It’s the same teasing, the same silly nicknames as usual, yet…

Jason pairs them up for tasks or missions more often than not, which certainly isn’t helping to keep Clay’s feelings at bay. Especially when Sonny starts bitching and complaining about the weather, the water, sharks, food or being bored, and Clay wants nothing more than to climb over the table to kiss him and see if that shuts him up.

Or when Sonny says nothing, because they are all too tired and in the middle of fucking nowhere and trying to get some rest. Sometimes Sonny just lays in his hammock or tries to stretch out on one of the plane’s benches, one arm under his head, and just wordlessly looks at Clay, completely at ease.

∞

"So, now that you’re leaving Bravo…" Clay starts, but doesn’t know how to continue. 

They’re having this farewell barbecue for Davis at the base and the whole team including their families is there, scattered all over the lawn.

"You’ll miss me a lot?" Lisa finishes the sentence for him with a grin. "I’ll miss you too, Spenser. I’ll miss all of you."

"Even Sonny?" he asks because he’s masochistic like that sometimes. And because he’s watching Sonny, Brock, Henry and Jameelah play fetch with Cerberus.

"Even Sonny," she confirms, shaking her head at herself in amused disbelief. "Please, don’t tell him I said that."

"You two can be… whatever you want to be." There, he finally says it out loud. "Now that you’re not in Bravo anymore."

"Now you’re just mean." Lisa really sounds upset. "I thought it’s ‘Bravo for life.’ That I’m part of the team no matter what."

"You’re absolutely right!" Clay assures. "Even if you’ll boss us around one day."

"Officer Candidate School doesn’t last forever, so it will be sooner than you think. " Lisa laughs and they click their bottles against each other. "Me and Sonny, we would make an awfully awkward couple. Besides, he’s my best friend. And I’m not exactly his type..." she continues. "I’m wearing too many clothes."

"You’re what?" Sonny asks, approaching them. "What are you two talking about?"

"You and me," Lisa repeats, while Sonny snags Clay’s beer bottle and takes a gulp. "Clay here wanted to know why we aren’t a couple."

"We would be a disaster." Sonny sounds amused. "Really, youngster? I thought you’d know me better by now." The look he gives Clay is more serious than the mocking remark.

"Does it mean I’m supposed to know all of your dark and hidden secrets, by now, Big Guy?" Clay says with a smirk, keeping his voice light.

"Ha!" Lisa laughs again, while Sonny says, "A man has to keep a few secrets to himself," and hands Clay the beer back.

There’s no opportunity to say anything, because suddenly there’s the rest of Bravo, drinking to Davis one last time.

"I won’t stay away forever," Davis says with a laugh, but she gets choked up a bit, she can’t hide that completely.

Then there’s a lot of hugging and Sonny is right next to Clay at some point. Actually, it’s more like he’s plastered against Clay’s side and Clay has to actively stop himself from leaning into Sonny, who isn’t immediately trying to get away from him. They are still good.

∞

And then, just a few weeks later, Manila happens.

Clay doesn’t remember much of it. Only that he had sent Sonny back to the bar, and there was a ringing phone. He should have realized earlier that it was a bomb, but on the other hand, it was a busy street with a lot of people with phones. Still, he is a SEAL after all; he should had known. 

He isn’t even sure if he remembers the blast. Just that a phone rang and everything became a blurry mess. Clay doesn’t even know for sure if Sonny was really by his side right after the explosion or if he hallucinated things.

When he wakes up again, he’s back home and the rest of Bravo is half a world away.

Which is fine by him. Especially since the doctors keep telling him they managed to save his legs and that after a long and intense rehab, he should be able to walk just fine. Going back to being a SEAL, though, that doesn’t look too good.

Clay chooses to ignore Bravo’s calls and texts and yet misses them like crazy.

Davis visits him, though, and tells him that Bravo is on Guam right now, doing nothing, and that Sonny started a bar fight with a guy who was at least a head taller than him.

Clay snorts at that a little. "You gotta keep Sonny busy at all times. Otherwise there will be bar brawls."

"Sonny’s coping mechanisms always have been fucked up," Lisa says, patting his shoulder, like she *knows*, and Clay’s glad when she leaves.

∞

Swanny annoys Clay, too, but in a good way, motivating him through physio and still being there for him, when Clay gets angry, frustrated and mean. It’s crazy helpful. That, and the slow progress Clay actually can see happen with every day of therapy.

So, when one day his phone buzzes and there’s Sonny’s name on the display, not just a text, but a video call, Clay accepts.

"Hey Sonny!" He’s glad that Sonny can’t see him in person right now. His heart races and his palms are sweaty and Clay just hopes Sonny won’t notice how strange his voice sounds as he tries to keep the nervousness at bay.

"Hey, Golden Boy, there you are!" There are tables and stools behind him and the light is bad, but Sonny pretty much beams at Clay. "I can’t believe you picked up!" He sounds genuinely happy. Or at least that’s how it comes across.

"How are you?" Clay asks, his blood rushing in his ears. "Are you in a bar? Of course you’re in a bar."

"Yeah but I miss you a lot." Sonny doesn’t even sound drunk. "Your pretty face, I mean," he adds quickly. "Can’t look at myself all day, right?"

"I miss you, too." Clay grins and his heartbeat slows down a bit. "I miss Bravo."

"Thought so." Sonny adjusts his cap before he starts walking. "Let me take you to the guys. Can’t keep you all for myself after all, can I?"

There’s a lot Clay could say to that, but he holds his tongue and just laughs. Then there are Ray’s and Jason’s faces on either side of Sonny’s, who are happy to see him, and Clay feels like Bravo Six again.

∞

Telling his team about Swanny is one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. Clay feels sick and broken and doesn’t have the strength to call them and see the pain on their faces. He sends Jason a text and his hands are still shaking, hours after.

Clay also can’t keep himself from watching the videos on Brett’s laptop. He does, though, looking for… he doesn’t even know what he’s hoping to get from them. Besides of the pain of seeing his friend falling apart more and more. It’s impossibly hurtful to watch.

Stella shows up to check on him, but seeing her doesn’t help. Clay just wants to see his team members. He just wants to see Sonny, so they can drown the pain in as much alcohol as their bodies can stand.

∞

A few days later he and Davis can finally pick Bravo up at the base’s airport.

Clay leaves his crutch in the car. He wants to dissolve Jason’s or anyone else’s doubts about his physical condition into thin air, before they can even take shape.

He watches his team members exit the plane one by one. Jason leads, as always, so Clay watches his kid hug him tight, then Clay hugs Ray, quickly, because Ray wants nothing more than to get to see his kids, who don’t even know he’s coming back today.

And then there’s Sonny, coming towards him with a grin on his face, like Clay has imagined way too many times. When they hug, Sonny feels solid and real in his arms and Clay doesn’t want to let go of him, ever again.

"I missed you." Sonny’s voice is barely a whisper against his ear and suddenly Clay’s eyes sting and his throat is tight and all he can do is nod and blink the tears away. "We’ve found the guy who did that to you." Sonny looks at him. "He’s not dead, though." He almost sounds apologetic.

"Well, that’s unexpected," Clay says just to say something. Something other than "I don’t care, I’m just happy to have you back." 

The whole Bravo team goes to the bar. To drink to Swanny, to Lisa’s graduation, to Clay’s progress at rehab and to them all being back home.

Clay sips on his drink and bids them good night after the last toast.

"I have to be fit for physio tomorrow," he tells them and everyone understands. Not even Sonny tries to talk him into staying longer. 

"I’ll take you home," he says instead. Clay shakes his head and walks away, but Sonny catches up with him, of course.

"There’s no need to babysit me, okay?" Clay lets him know before Sonny has the chance to say anything.

"You know how much I hate babysitting." Sonny shrugs and Clay shrugs too, because, yeah, he knows. 

"Are you good to drive?" Clay asks. "How many drinks did you have?"

"Not enough to get in trouble." Sonny looks at him. "I swear. I wouldn’t drink and drive. Not with you and your fucked up leg anyway."

"Well, me and my fucked up leg are grateful for that." Clay smirks and takes a step towards him. "So you won’t mind if I check your breath?"

"Easy here, Officer," Sonny mocks playfully, not backing off. "You better be careful…"

Clay knows how Sonny is when he’s drunk, and because he’s not drunk now, Clay leans in a little to nudge Sonny with his shoulder. "Let’s go, then," he adds, and they get in the car.

Clay’s apartment isn’t very far away. Especially not at night, with only little traffic. And clearly not far away for Clay to rest his leg properly – he grimaces getting out of the car, and inwardly curses himself for having left his cane in Davis’ pickup.

Sonny is immediately by his side. "Come on, lean on me."

"Who would have thought you’re a gentleman." Clay tries to joke it off, but in fact he’s grateful for Sonny supporting him.

"Us Texans are very charming," Sonny says, putting an arm around Clay’s hips. 

"Right." Clay nods, getting his keys out. "Who would be able to resist random bitching, complaining and lack of filter?"

"Shut up, that’s not…" Sonny stops mid-sentence, as Clay opens the door and they enter the apartment. "It’s been a while since I’ve been here, but…"

There are colorful post-its stuck to the walls. The one next to the light switch says _Light out when leaving_ and another one reads _Lock the door before bed_. There’s more, but Sonny can’t read all of them.

"Swanny lived here while we were in Manila. And during my hospital stay," Clay explains quietly. "I have to take them down. They are just so..."

"I had no idea his TBI was so bad." Sonny rubs his face in distress.

"He was very careful to hide it," Clay continues. "But despite how he was doing, he was there for me when I got out of the hospital. He would kick my butt whenever I was wallowing in self pity."

"A true brother." Sonny nods, helping Clay to reach the sofa and sitting down next to him. "Can’t believe his funeral is tomorrow."

"Can’t say the same about me, can you?" Clay spits out bitterly and stretches his leg out. He grimaces again and looks down. "Can’t believe I didn’t see how hard it really was for him."

"Didn’t you try to help?" Sonny reminds him, his hand lingering on Clay’s shoulder. "Didn’t you go to the veterans hospital with him? Weren’t you fighting with the doctors for him?"

Clay shakes his head and shrugs.

"I know you," Sonny continues. "You’re always trying to help."

Clay still doesn’t say anything, but he leans back and shifts his leg slightly, and that’s when Sonny pulls him into a hug. 

Clay’s first thought is to push Sonny away. He doesn’t feel like he deserves to be comforted, but Sonny puts his arms around Clay, making him feel safe for the first time since the explosion in Manila.

"It wasn’t enough," Clay repeats over and over, his fists clenched into Sonny’s shirt.

Sonny wordlessly runs his fingers through Clay’s blond curls, in what he only hopes will be received as a soothing gesture, and lets Clay hold onto him tightly.

It’s been a while since someone needed him like that. It scares him a little, but then again, Clay is his best friend, his brother, his… Sonny tries not to think of what else Clay is to him, because… Because the little looks and grins and the fact that Clay likes Sonny’s babbling and likes to be in Sonny’s company, well, that’s probably just wishful thinking.

"I had to pull him out of the pickup." Clay’s voice is muffled against Sonny’s shoulder, who closes his eyes and curses softly.

"Sounds like hell." Sonny’s palm is curled softly in Clay’s neck.

He wants to kiss Clay. The top of his head, his forehead or his lips, or do something equally ridiculous, but he hesitates too long and doesn’t. Clay is an emotional mess and doing anything would feel like taking advantage of his vulnerability.

"Can I crash here tonight?" Sonny asks instead. "I don’t feel like being alone right now."

They don’t mention Clay’s reddened eyes or the wet spots on Sonny’s t-shirt. 

"You mean on my couch?" Clay raises an eyebrow.

After weeks spent on a mission with his team and pretty much zero privacy, Sonny would usually hit the strip club and take an exotic dancer home. Or two. 

"You know I’ve slept in worse places." Sonny shrugs.

Somehow he’s fine with changing his post-mission routine, when Clay lets him stay.

∞

It’s good to wake up in the morning and see Sonny sleeping. Clay has to physically hold himself back from stroking Sonny’s beard as a way to wake him up. He still remembers how soft it felt to his touch, a few months ago…

He bites his lip and goes to the kitchen to make some coffee, before heading to the bathroom.

When Clay comes back, wearing only a towel, Sonny’s in the kitchen, closing the fridge. "You’re out of food."

"At least there’s coffee," Clay says, when his old coffee maker beeps as a sign that it’s done.

"D’you need help with that?" Sonny asks, looking at him.

Clay raises an eyebrow. "With my towel?" he asks back, amused.

"You’d never ask for help and I don’t want you to get hurt or anything." Sonny shrugs. 

Clay’s pretty sure the tips of Sonny’s ears turn red, but now that Sonny’s turning away to get two mugs out of the cabinet, he can’t be sure. 

"You better have left some hot water for me to shower with, princess," Sonny adds on the way to the bathroom, while Clay goes to get dressed.

Sonny gives him a ride to physio; on the way they get a quick breakfast in the car.

"Are you ready?" Sonny wants to know, his mouth full with the last bite of his bagel.

Clay just shrugs. Sonny’s talking about Brett Swann’s funeral later today.

"No," he says eventually. "We’ll see." Clay just hopes he won’t have a repeat of last night’s breakdown in the church in front of everyone. Having it in front of Sonny of all people has been embarrassing enough for his liking.

"We’ll all be with you." Sonny squeezes his arm reassuringly and Clay nods.

"See you later," he says and gets out of the car.

∞

Clay shaves when he gets home, because that’s what you do when you lose one of your brothers.

His leg hurts as he stands at the sink and watches his beard slowly disappear. It’s like him being a frogman vanishes, too. His hand shakes slightly as he puts the razor to the skin.

His doctor told him that he won’t be able to be a SEAL again. Not with his leg weak like that. It still hurts. Or does it hurt because he won’t be part of Bravo anymore? Clay heard that sometimes mind influences body and vice versa, so who knows?

He hasn’t told anyone what the doctor’s prognosis is. That Clay’s close to losing the biggest part of himself.

He rinses the razor and washes his face. The guy in the mirror looks too young to have his entire life thrown away because of a fucking bomb in Manila.

Clay puts the towel aside and slowly makes his way to his closet. His uniform is crisp and clean - pretty much the complete opposite of how he feels. But it still fits Clay perfectly.

He opens the door to his apartment, when he hears the short knock. The beardless guy who picks him up looks great in Sonny’s uniform, with all the awards and decorations attached. 

"Jesus Christ, you look like a teenager!" Sonny says, and despite looking like a completely different person, he sounds like himself. 

"Yeah, I assure you, I’m not." Clay rolls his eyes.

"Right." Sonny nods after a moment. "I remember that."

And there it is: the ignored elephant in the room, being addressed at the worst possible moment.

"I’m glad you do," Clay says, and Sonny leans in, just a little bit.

"We’ll come back to that," he says. "Now let’s go."

∞

Even Cerberus’ fur looks kinda shiny and well brushed. Just like his human team members, the dog wears a white harness with accolades attached to it.

The ceremony is pretty emotional but it also helps Clay. He sees that Brett Swann will never be forgotten. Having spent so much time with Swanny changed him a lot. Clay decides that no matter what, he’ll raise awareness for TBI. Soldiers deserve to be treated for it before it’s too late and Veteran’s Affairs or the Veteran’s Health Administration need to cover the treatment. Nobody should have to end up like Swanny did.

A lot of people come to the funeral, which makes Clay glad, somehow, despite the feeling of guilt deep down in his gut. It helps, having his team by his side again.

Stella comes, too, and Clay realizes that they can just sit together and talk like friends. It’s not even uncomfortable, awkward or bitter. It’s okay.

She tells him that he’s grown so much since they’ve last seen each other and Clay can only agree.

Swanny’s story changed him. Just like surviving Manila changed him. And of course listening to Sonny running out of oxygen and not being able to help. All that changed him a lot.

When Stella leaves, Clay decides to sit down at Davis’ and Sonny’s table.

"What?" he asks, seeing Lisa’s raised eyebrow, while Sonny takes a gulp from his glass.

"Do I really have to ask?" she sighs, and after a moment of silence, adds, still looking at Clay. "Are you and Stella getting back together?" The ‘Duuuh’ may be unspoken, but it’s definitely there.

"No," Clay says, loosening his grip on the beer bottle a little. "Definitely not."

"Good," Sonny says, and quickly adds, "This on and off thing didn’t end well, as far as I remember…"

"No, right," Clay agrees. "We work better as friends, I guess."

"It works out, sometimes," Lisa says. "I mean, look at me and Sonny." She leans over and puts an arm around Sonny’s shoulder. "BFFs for life."

"Bravo Foxtrot Foxtrot?" Sonny raises an eyebrow. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Best friends forever," Lisa and Clay tell him in unison. 

Before Sonny can comment on that, Wilson from Delta starts a story about one of the many times Swanny came up with an ridiculous excuse to cover for him after Wilson’s hangover during their time on Green Team.

Which results in many more of these ‘Do you remember when Swanny…’ stories. Some of them funny, some of them sad, some of them badass - all of them full of love and respect for the brother they lost.

Clay feels happy and touched to listen to all of them. He adds his own story of how Swanny supported him in physio, by annoying him and making him want to kick his ass to make Swanny shut the hell up, just for one fucking session.

The whole bar toasts to him one last time, and then the SEALs slowly scatter and leave. 

∞

Eventually Clay and Sonny end up at Sonny’s place. Clay’s there, because he still has Swanny’s post-its all over his apartment and Sonny doesn’t want him to be all alone with all that around him. Not today.

Of course they don’t say any of this out loud but pretend it just randomly happened.

"Wow, Sonny Boy, are you sure we didn’t break into someone else’s home?" Clay asks mockingly, after entering. "It’s not as messy as I remember it being. Are you a host on AirBnB or what?" 

"Do I look like I’d let random people stay here?" Sonny asks back, nudging Clay lightly with his shoulder, as they both leave their boots by the door.

"I can stay, then?" Clay’s quiet voice completely takes out the question’s joking edge.

"You don’t even have to ask. Ever," Sonny says, giving him a sidelong glance, before he adds, "You need anything?" 

"Sitting down would be good." Clay slowly limps towards the sofa, but topples before he can make it.

He hasn’t had that much to drink, but alcohol, pain-medication and a hurting leg, don’t make a good combination, as it turns out. Sonny is there immediately, keeping Clay from landing on his ass.

"Easy, Blondie, I got you." Sonny’s hand stays on Clay’s wrist a moment longer. He puts an arm around Clay’s waist, and Clay leans heavily onto Sonny, putting his arm around Sonny’s shoulder. Together they slowly make it to the couch.

"You don’t say," Clay mumbles and Sonny just looks at him, shaking his head. 

"Didn’t you want to sit down?" Sonny reminds him, when they stand by the sofa and Clay doesn’t let go of him.

"Right." Clay nods, but still doesn’t move away. "I…"

That’s when Sonny kisses him, his lips hot yet a little hesitant on Clay’s. "I told you we’ll come back to that," he whispers, his voice low and husky, while their faces are still close.

"Lying down would be better, actually." Clay bites his lower lip before he kisses Sonny again. 

As soon as their lips touch, they are licking and sucking at each other’s tongues, Clay’s free hand clenching Sonny’s t-shirt, Sonny’s free hand curled in Clay’s neck and hair.

The adrenaline rushing through his veins right now eases the pain a bit, so Clay’s able to make it to Sonny’s bedroom without having to sit down halfway.

"You DO have a bed, don’t you?" Clay asks with a smirk. "Because I’m not sure your sofa would survive the both of us…"

"Is that a promise?" Sonny asks back, pulling at the hem of Clay’s t-shirt.

Clay kisses him again. "As soon as my leg is better. If that’s okay with you…" he adds hesitantly.

"Do you want me to carry you like a princess or throw you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes?" Sonny whispers playfully into his ear.

"Stop the talking and take me to bed…" Clay demands, and Sonny steps behind him and wraps his arms around Clay’s waist.

"Can you walk with me like this?" Feeling Sonny’s body this close behind him makes it hard for Clay to think. He just nods and lets Sonny guide him to the bedroom just a few steps away.

Sonny’s bedroom looks pretty much like his own between missions: clothes scattered everywhere, his duffle bag in a corner, an unmade bed and the flag of Texas and the Trident on the walls, of course.

"Stop," Sonny tells him, holding Clay still. He slides his hands under Clay’s t-shirt and in a fluid motion, takes it off him.

Clay turns around and finally touches Sonny’s clean-shaven face, before kissing him and pulling off Sonny’s shirt. Then his fingers move to Sonny’s jeans and Clay opens them without hesitation. Because fortune favors the brave, and he’s still a fucking Navy SEAL. When he pushes Sonny’s pants down, Sonny steps back and gets out of them immediately.

"Quick and efficient as always." He grins.

Sonny makes a short impatient sound. "Get to bed, then, smartass. I take care of everything else," he adds, before Clay can protest that he’s still in his sweats.

He lies down and crosses his arms behind his head, swallowing hard, because of the way Sonny is looking at him – with darkened eyes and like he’s ready to attack. With a few quick moves he suddenly kneels over Clay again, who throws his arms around Sonny’s neck.

They are kissing again, slow and needy, Sonny’s palms feeling hot against Clay’s naked sides, and now it’s him who makes that impatient sound in the back of his throat. 

Sonny reaches the waistband of Clay’s pants and pulls them down. "You okay?" he wants to know, when Clay tries to lift his hips to help.

He’s read a little about Clay’s injury and knows that such movements might hurt. And Sonny doesn’t want Clay to hurt himself because of him.

"Never been better." Clay pulls at Sonny’s briefs, so Sonny gets rid of them before helping Clay with his boxers.

"Can I...?" Sonny asks, while he’s kneeling at Clay’s feet. 

Clay just makes a quizzical sound, so Sonny touches the still- prominent scars on his knee with his fingertips.

"Sonny..." is the answer he gets and when he looks up, Clay’s biting his lower lip.

"Do they hurt?" Sonny pulls his hand away, but he’s still kneeling at the same spot.

"Not now." Clay shakes his head slightly. "But would you come here already?"

"Yeah." Sonny nods. "Just let me…" Talking was never his strength. "I just need to know you’re okay…"

"It looks bad, but I’m good," Clay reassures, and sharply draws in breath because Sonny’s fingertips are on his knee again and moving upwards, along Clay’s scars.

"Glad to hear that." Sonny looks at him and presses his lips to the inside of Clay’s thigh, not directly on a scar but close enough to be counted as kissing it better. "Did that hurt?" Sonny asks, seeing Clay clenching the sheets.

"No…" Clay sounds a little frustrated by now. "I said I’m good."

"Patience is a virtue, Blondie..." Sonny grins, before taking him in his mouth.

Clay curses softly and closes his eyes. He feels Sonny’s lips and tongue on him, and slowly opens his eyes again to make sure that this is not just one of the dreams he’s been having for a while now, but reality. 

"So-Sonny…" Clay manage to get out, his throat dry and tight. Sonny just hums and Clay’s eyes fall shut again, his fingers in Sonny’s hair. "Sonny…"

Sonny releases him slowly and looks up. "You okay?"

"Come here," Clay demands once more, breathing hard, and Sonny pushes himself up so he’s hovering over Clay again.

They kiss again, slow and needy, with Clay’s fingers stroking the hair on the nape of Sonny’s neck while he finally touches Sonny with his other hand.

Sonny moans into the kiss, shifting a little so he can rub his thigh against Clay, who winces when he tries to move his hip against Sonny, causing him to interrupt the kiss.

"Don’t hurt yourself." Sonny’s voice is husky, his lips slightly kiss-swollen and his eyes dark blue. Clay has to hold back a moan, just from seeing him like this. "What can we do?"

"You behind me should work..." Clay suggests a little reluctantly. 

He wants to watch Sonny, who luckily shakes his head and changes his position, pulling Clay with him. They’re on their sides now, so close they can’t say where one of them ends and the other one begins. 

"How’s that?" Sonny whispers, holding Clay close with one arm slung around his ribs.

"Much better." Clay squeezes Sonny’s ass and gently bites his lip.

The teasing turns into another heathed kiss, and they are touching each other again until they swallow each other’s cries, as they come.

Clay buries his face in the junction between Sonny’s neck and shoulder, still breathing heavily. He can feeling the racing of Sonny’s pulse and Sonny’s fingers stroking his neck.

When Clay has to move his leg a little, Sonny stretches to get to the box of Kleenex to wipe themselves clean.

"You okay?" Clay asks, looking at him thoroughly.

"Yeah." Sonny nods, holding Clay’s gaze. "You?"

"Yeah," Clay confirms, stifling a yawn. Then he scoots closer and leans on Sonny’s shoulder; Sonny kisses his temple.

∞

Sonny’s still asleep when Clay’s phone wakes him up. He’s snoring softly, one arm across Clay’s waist. Sonny’s hair, not covered by a baseball cap or a helmet, for once, is messy and Clay grins, because he made it a mess. This combined with his beardlessness makes Sonny look so much younger.

"Who is Goldilocks now?" Clay whispers, watching him for another moment. 

Sonny’s arm slips from Clay’s waist onto the empty spot, still warm from Clay’s body, and Sonny stirs. When it’s obvious that he won’t wake up, Clay grabs his phone and boxers and goes to the bathroom.

He comes back a few minutes later and Sonny’s still in bed but blinking at Clay, barely awake.

"Good morning, Sunshine," Clay greets him, coming closer. "Texas finally rises, huh?" 

"Never thought you’d be an early bird when not on a mission." Sonny pushes the covers aside to get out of bed.

"I thought I had physio..." Clay starts, looking away. "I wanted to let you sleep in today." He places his phone next to Sonny’s on the nightstand.

"Do you regret it?" Sonny’s standing right in front of Clay now. "You can’t even look at me."

"It’s because I have no self-control and you’re fucking naked," Clay admits, looking into Sonny’s eyes.

"Nice choice of words, Blondie." Sonny smirks, pulling him closer by the waistband of Clay’s boxers, who leans in for a kiss.

"I regret nothing." Clay’s voice is barely a whisper and his lips are brushing Sonny’s with each word, his palms resting on Sonny’s broad shoulders. Clay can’t help himself, he has to push Sonny’s hair out of his face. 

Sonny touches his wrist and for a split second Clay thinks he got everything wrong and it’s too soon for such an intimate gesture, but Sonny just places a kiss there, on the inside of his wrist. "I’m gonna take a shower now. See you later?" 

Clay watches him walk to the bathroom and clears his throat. "You wanna share? The shower, I mean?"

Sonny turns around, and Clay expects to see him grin, like the cat who knows that the canary is all his, but is surprised by Sonny’s serious face. "As much as I want you in the shower, I won’t let you skip a physio session."

Clay knows Sonny would be the first one to drag him to therapy if he had to. Clay loves Sonny for that. And for a million other things. He instantly catches up with Sonny and kisses him passionately, until they’re both out of breath.

"That’s what I call a good-bye kiss." Sonny curls his fingers in Clay’s hair. "And I’m not even going on a mission."

"Lewis postponed my therapy until the evening." Clay says, still a little breathlessly. "That’s why I got up..."

"So why are we even standing here?" Sonny grins, opening the door to his bathroom. Clay takes off his boxers and follows with a matching grin.


End file.
